Communication: Listen First & Talk Second

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As the French writer Francois-Marie Arouet (aka Voltaire) said: "When you listen, you have power. When you talk, you give it away."¯ Sure you'll need to respond to or ask your own questions, but listening is the best way to learn what you're being told or ensure the person understands what you're saying. It's called communication!

The dictionary defines communication as "2) a giving or exchanging of information, signals, or messages as by talk, gestures, or writing."¯ Notice the definition included the word "exchanging"? The only way you're going to exchange information is by listening at least a portion of the time.

Contrary to popular belief, it doesn't matter how much you think you know about a topic. What really matters is your ability to unplug your ears and listen! Most people overstate the amount of time they claim to allow the other person to talk.

You should be asking a question every 20–30 seconds. That means 2–3 questions per minute. But, don't find yourself simply waiting for the other person to stop talking so that you can interject your question. They just might answer it before you ask it!


Let's say a co-worker is telling you about a camping trip they had over the weekend. Here are some questions you could ask following the Who? What? Where? Why? When? method:

Who did you go with? ... then LISTEN!

What gear did you bring with you? ... then LISTEN!

Where did you camp at? ... then LISTEN!

Why did you choose tents over your camper? ... then LISTEN!

When did you get back? ... then LISTEN!

This method could work in any situation — professional or personal. But, both parties need their turn to talk because not everyone can always be the listener!

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