Aggressive Cows Alert

In recent news, reports have indicated that as many as three walkers have died in the last three months at the hands of aggressive cattle, and many more have been injured. Even former home secretary, David Blunkett, fell victim to a host of angry cows as he was trampled earlier this year whilst out walking with his guide dog, Sadie, in the beautiful climes of th Peak District. Fortunately, the two made a narrow escape, with Blunkett suffering only a few broken ribs and the odd bruise. Still it's enough to put anyone off going for a gentle stroll in the countryside.
This news has an ironic twist in light of the fact that cows have also recently bee characterised as the victims in the battle between cattle and sky lanterns. Farmers have attacked such lanterns for posing a threat to cows, as the little wire attached to the fuel cell can all too easily be chomped down by a hungry cow. Ouch! But, now the tables have turned. We are in the midst of a cow conspiracy!

Typically, bulls are the ones that most of us fear. You should never look them in the eye, and certainly never be so foolhardy as to enter a field that is dotted with feisty bulls. But cows… I mean to say... Those docile, lumbering animals that wouldn't hurt a fly- with long eyelashes and fluttering lids- as Disney has it? Yes, apparently. These naturally curious creatures can be just as dangerous especially when protecting their calves.

There have been horror stories of people who have found themselves in a sticky situation and managed- only just- to escape with their lives entact. One woman from Essex reported: "A neighbour and I were walking our dogs (on leads) a couple of months ago in a field in Ongar where there are cows and for no reason at all they began to charge us and headbut my neighbour!!" another man stated: "I've lost count of the number of times I've had to jump fences to avoid aggressive (this word is chosen carefully - I'm not confusing aggresion with curiosity) cattle".

Thankfully, there are things you can do to avoid being stampeded by a herd (should you ever find yourself in such a situation). Firstly, don't let them see you're frightened- they're generally more afraid of you. Secondly, don't allow your dogs to worry them, and let them off their leads if it appears that the petsering is taking effect. Thirdly, take a walking stick- or any sort of stick- out with you. This is not to beat the cows with mind. If a cow comes hurtling in your direction, stretch your arms out very wide. Cows join up all the external points, so you'll suddenly seem massive in their eyes… Fourthly, don't stride straight into the middle of a field as though you own it, that's just asking for trouble- and its probably deserved. I think it might be fair to say that in light of this cow conspiracy, some of us might not have so many qualms about eating beef, or less still be losing sleep over the fate of a cow somewhere, whenever a sky lantern is released into the night sky.