1-If you have a relationship that has some sour overtones to it, there are only three ways to make it sweeter. In other words, only three possible solutions exist for people problems.
2-That should catch your attention. Because it covers quite a chunk of life that makes you turn up red eyeballs worries and frustrations cause by your kids, marriage partners, boss, neighbors, roommate, nosy acquaintances, and the bullies that shove in front of you at the checkout counter.
3-Here are the three choices: 1 Change the situation 2 Change the person 3 Change yourself.
4-Let's consider each one, starting with the first. Change the situation. If for some reason you don't like the boss, quit your job. If your spouse cause hurricanes of rage in your mind instead of making harps play in your heart, then get rid of him or her. If getting along with your teacher is like clawing through a jungle of barbed wire, then drop out of school. Or if Mom and Pop are always on your back, then hit the streets. Run away from home. That is to say that if the association with another person has bad overtones, break out, split, disappear. That may be the best solution in some cases. Perhaps. But there are deeper considerations. Like, what are the consequences? Or what are you doing to yourself?
5-I had just finshed up lunch with Trygbe Wage, great name I know. Tryg is the director of Raise The Bar, a therapeutic center for rehabilitating young felons. They come over to Tryg's place with an average of ten arrests and eleven long months spent in juvenile correctional institutions. All these poor kids know how to do, when they have a bad encounter is to act out and run away, Tryg told me. After they're with us awhile, they realize how dumb that is. Running away doesn't work.
6-Another time a friend was talking to me about his divorce. We found that marriage was different than going together. Little things became big things. We got real good at making each other miserable. Every day was becoming a drag. So we broke up. It wasn't easy, but we did it. Life, I thought, would be all rosy after that.There would be no more tears and hassles. Life would be a lark! Ah, sweet freedom!
7-But it wasn't quite that way at all. What I thought would be freedome was a long state of remorse. I could not get rid of the feeling of guilt and shame and the sense of failing. I know those were a separate set of problems that should have been dealt with differently. But there was a feeling chewing away inside telling me that happiness is not built by messing up a persons life.
8-Do I continue to hold myself responsible? Of course not. I've put it behind me now. But I learned that solving bad scenes with others doesn't always mean breaking it off. For me it didn't do much for the real problem. And that was me. I came right along with me. Maybe the result would be the same today. I'm no sure. I would deal with it a lot differently.
10-A woman once told mehow she would skip from job to job trying to find the right situation.People got to me, she said. Criticism, complaints, moaning, groaning, it seemed that's all I heard all day. I just couldn't get it off my mind at night. So I just kept moving only to find out the names and faces changed but not the humans. Most of the old frustrations would come up again, just dressed differently. So it finally dawned on me that the problem was me, not them. I am doing something about that now. Guess what? I think I'm going to make it.
11-Does this mean that a divorce or change of jobs should be automatically ruled out as a way out of unhappy attachments? No, only you can decide what is best for you. All you're getting here are some insights and ideas to use for guidelines. Running away might be the easiest answer but not the best. If you have a marriage, job, or friendship that has some good parts to it then consider another option for smoothing things out.
12-In the next article we will discuss Change The Person. For now shift your focus and give a look at some
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