How many actual, ‘in the trenches€™ friends do you feel you have?

Many people concur on some characteristics of a great friend:

1. You are able to trust each other which means that you have no secrets and you honor your vows, you are continually candid.
2. You can rely on each other for help when you are in some form of trial but this might not necessarily comprise every manner of backing â€" e.g. financial
3. You may not meet each other often but when you do catch up it is just like the preceding time you met
4. First-rate friends seem to discern when you are anxious or not feeling well, and will take the initiative to inquire if there is a crisis, and will continue asking until they are satisfied you are okay.

Now we approach to the ‘crunch’ â€" what elevates a friend from being a good one to being a first class one?

The answer is one noteworthy and essential trait. It's called “TOUGH LOVE”.

This means loving enough to supply advice that may produce pain in the short term but will be helpful in the long term. Tough love is being ready to pronounce what a person NEEDS to hear rather than what they WANT to hear! This can mean admonishing a friend to modify a behaviour, approach, conviction or value that is harming them or making them unhappy.

This quality is also called empathy. This doesn't mean gentleness or lovey dovey feelings. Compassion can be inflexible, virtually brutal when required. It comes from concern, but can be offensive, shocking you out of comfort zones when all other methods have failed.

Why is tough love so important? Because it puts others requirements ahead of self-interest. Instead of trying not to upset since we fear losing their friendship, we utter what they need to hear for their own benefit rather than staying silent. The worry of losing friends frequently stops us doing the moral thing as we are acting in selfishness.

The Right Way to Offer Caring Criticism

It's crucial to follow specific ground rules when providing this kind of courageous criticism so your friend doesn't feel judged. Great friends seem to realize this naturally:

Begin by saying something like ‘John, I have something important to say that may assist you. Are you interested to hear it? It is coming from my love for you as a very cherished friend and I know if I were you I would want to know. If I have my specifics incorrect I'll apologise at once. But please pay attention to what I have to say before responding. OK?’

If they are amenable to the feedback, then away you go. But be sensible and follow this method in your reply:

1. State the exact issues that you think are causing problems
2. Note the harmful consequence on the friend’s life
3. Make recommendations to your friend on how the issue might be resolved.

For example
John, for a long time now, you have informed me you hate your job. You criticize your manager, or your tiresome work, but you don’t take accountability for making that choice or doing something about it.

This is making you unhappy, even despondent, and I dislike seeing you so miserable.

You have several talents and passions and successful work experiences that could unbolt other doors for you and make you a happier, more inventive person. You could start your own business, or find better employment by marketing yourself directly to a short list of favored employers. I'll do everything I can to assist by referring you to people I know, or helping you launch your own business!

Would you feel comfortable providing this kind of advice to a friend? Would your friends give you this kind of advice? If so, you know these friends can make your life much more satisfying.