Explaining the Unity Candle Tradition

The unity candle ceremony is a relatively new aspect of Christian wedding ceremonies. There is quite a bit of controversy about when the unity candle ceremony first became part of American weddings and how it started. Some credit the women's movement with starting the tradition to give mothers a bigger role in the wedding ceremony. Others say candle companies popularized the tradition to make a little extra cash. Our favorite explanation - General Hospital characters Luke and Laura set off the unity candle ceremony craze when the show featured the wedding candles in an internationally broadcast wedding ceremony.

No matter how the tradition began, it is one of the most popular aspects to many modern weddings. Before the ceremony, the mother of the bride and mother of the groom approach the unity candle holder in the front of the church, each light a taper candle, then place them on either side of a large pillar candle. These taper candles continue to burn through the ceremony. At a designated time, the officiant instructs the bride and groom to take the taper candles and light the center pillar candle together. Many say this is a symbol of their connection and commitment to each other. Others say it is the time when the two families become one. In some cases, the bride and groom leave the taper candles burning to signify the love their families will show them throughout their married life. Other times, they will blow out the tapers to symbolize leaving their old lives behind and beginning a new one together. Often the couple will save the large pillar candle after the ceremony concludes, and light it on their wedding anniversaries.

Before planning to add the unity candle ceremony to your wedding, check with the officiant and the church in which you want to hold the wedding. Some churches do not allow unity candle lighting during the traditional wedding ceremony. The Catholic Church does not generally allow it as part of its Nuptial Mass, but the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops has not specifically stated the unity candle ceremony should be prohibited. The conference did decide that if the candles are lit, the individual taper candles must be lit from the Paschal (or Easter) candle and should not be extinguished after the center pillar candle is lit. They also stated the unity candle holder should not be on the altar.

There are several variations to the unity candle ceremony that you can choose for your wedding. Instead of candles, many couples pour two different kinds of sand into one glass. Often couples will pour the sand into a decorative container and then put that container on display in their home.

Another variation includes all wedding guests. Ushers and wedding attendants give small candles to each guest as they arrive. At the right time, the congregation's candles are lit, one by one. When everyone's candle is burning, the bride and groom light their pillar unity candle. In this ceremony variation, the couple's friends and family are signifying their support for the marriage.

Couples who choose to have a unity candle ceremony can opt to play special music during the candle lighting. Listen to a variety of songs and read through the lyrics to figure out which song best reflects your relationship. Once you have chosen the song, be sure to practice the candle lighting and see how long it will take. This will allow you to decide which part of the song you want to play during the ceremony. We have included some of our favorite unity candle songs:

Instrumental
• "Sleepers Awake!" - Bach
• "Gymnopedie No 1" - Satie
• "Greensleeves" - Various
• "When You Say You Love Me" - Instrumental Version
• "Ave Maria" - Various

Vocal
• "Let It Be" - The Beatles
• "From This Moment" - Shania Twain and Bryan White
• "Amazing Grace" - Various
• "At Last" - Gene Watson
• "Everything I Do" - Bryan Adams

These are only a few suggestions that we like. You can choose any song that speaks to you, in fact, some couples choose the song they will also use for their first dance.

However you decide to incorporate the unity candle ceremony, be sure to explain it in your program. Understanding the significance and symbolism of the ceremony will give your guests a better appreciation for what they are seeing.