How to Be an Exceptional Husband
By: Ray T. Lewis | Posted: 25th November 2009
You don't want to just be a good husband; you want to be an exceptional husband and father. But the role of husband and father in the 21st century isn't exactly the same as it was in your father's generation. Here are some tips for men who want to take their husband and marriage skills up a notch.
1. Be Willing to Seek Marriage Counseling
This might seem like a funny point to make first, but it's an important one, and here's why: in the 21st century, you are going to have marriage problems. Too many societal factors force marriage problems upon you. Society, television, movies, and magazines force ideas down your throat and down your wife's throat. One solution to those problems is to get help from a professional when you need it.
A common male stereotype is that men refuse to ask for directions. Men are independent by nature. You could blame evolution; hunters are self-sufficient as a necessity.
But independence has its limits when it comes to being an exceptional husband. Intelligent males know that sometimes they need help. If your marriage is having big problems, get the professional help you need. Yeah, it's hard to take that step. That's why it's a step in making yourself an "exceptional" husband. (Being an "average" husband is a lot easier, but that's another article.)
2. Show Affection
Another male stereotype is that they don't cuddle after lovemaking. But our wives need affection, especially after sex. Don't make the mistake of focusing only on foreplay; afterplay is just as important to your wife.
Don't make the mistake of only being affectionate in the bedroom either. Surprise her with a kiss or a hug when she's cooking dinner. Hold her hand while you're watching television. Making her feel loved is a big part of being an exceptional husband.
3. Get Your Needs Met Too
Focusing on her needs is only part of the equation. Exceptional husbands don't make their wives guess at what they need to be happy. When you explain your needs, be sure to avoid blaming or criticizing. Use "I feel" statements.
If something your wife does hurts your feelings, tell her. Be gentle and loving when you communicate this with her, but don't make the mistake of ignoring it. You'll only build resentment over time, and that's going to hurt your marriage.
4. Good Manners Aren't Just For Courting
In fact, good manners are even more important when you're with someone 24/7. You have standards of behavior for when you're at work, and you use a certain etiquette when you visit someone's house. When you were dating, you opened doors for her and watched your language. You maintained a high level of grooming and personal hygiene. Don't stop doing those things just because you're now married.
In fact, after being married is the perfect time to ramp those gentlemanly skills up. The stress of being around someone else all the time is tough, and the rules of polite behavior ease that tension. Being married isn't an excuse to stop shaving and brushing your teeth, or to start burping in front of your wife.
Exceptional husbands behave exceptionally.
5. Learn to Listen
Women need to feel "heard." So learn how to listen without offering advice and/or solutions. Focus on understanding her point of view and her perspective. Repeat what she's sharing with you back to her in your own words, and then make sure that you've understood what she meant when she said something to you. In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, this is called "Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood." You'll be surprised at how effective this strategy is for maintaining and exceptional marriage.
For more wisdom, be sure to visit Funny Quotes About Life. There we share some of the funnier things folks have said about life, marriage, and family.About the Author
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Tags: mistake, evolution, kiss, magazines, 21st century, marriage, watching television, affection, marriage problems, notch, lovemaking, cuddle, marriage counseling